CANNOT UNDERSTAND!!!

ARGH!!!!
I'm not understand what I feel right now...
sad???excited???
what I know that I want to cry right now...

think of my mom..
regret for entering SESERI..
burden them..
don't know whether I can give what they expect from me..

It's hard for being the "cleverest" in the family
high expectation..

sometimes I regretted for entering the best school in Malaysia..
with my younger sister with me...
it increase my parents burden..
at school every week we eat chicken rice..,'nasi minyak'
but at home my mom just eat fry egg,fish and sometime chicken..
I know that my mom love us..she doesn't want us to know..
but we're big enough to know..
she gave everything that we wanted eventhough she did not have money...

she gave support to me..
to keep study..don't think about her..
but I can't..
she keep saying "study so you'll not become like me.."

she surprised when I told her this morning that there's still fee to pay..
dobi and sanitact RM 92 per semester..
it's already second semester but I still not pay for the first semester..
imagine..mine 2 semester RM 92 x 2
my younger sister RM 92 x 2...

my dad said that don't worry about money..
it's his job to find money..
just tell him what to pay and he'll give it...

for me there's nothing can stop me to get the best result..
I just don't want anyone to suffer for me..
I want to stay at home and stay with my mom cos she don't have anyone to express her feeling
and I want to be beside her..
but I can't..

I will get the best result that no one have give it to my parents..
but I cannot stand seeing my parents struggle to find money
just to make sure we stay in SESERI..

Doa
Usaha
Ikhtiar
Tawakal

I hope that all of you pray for my success cos
next year on March I'll make my mom cry happily because of me..
no one in my family ever get 11 A 1
including my cousins from a rich family..
I don't want my mom worry anymore that we're poor and her children cannot success
but we're poor but we can success if we want it..